People have been so overwhelmingly kind and positive about my first attempt at writing a blog , thank you . I now feel rather under pressure to write something insightful , meaningful ,but I’m not sure I can live up to the expectation?!

As much as each cancer is unique and different to each person , as well as the individually tailored treatment , so is each persons mental attitude and coping mechanisms.
I am a natural worrier who is good at suppressing my box walking and weaving tendencies ! but with my diagnosis came an utter Positivity and strange calmness , what was the point of panicking , becoming a victim will not help or cure me , so it saddens me dipping into some of the cancer help groups and forums to read depressing and negative postings and discussions about how dreadful the treatments are and how they are suffering. I have now stopped looking ?

Call me stupid, in denial, ostrich like but I haven’t quizzed Dr Raj or Roa or googled my particular cancer , I really don’t want to know or scare myself !!  What will be will be and the outcome will be good , though the few questions I have asked explain the blitzing with weekly chemo and now onto three weekly doses of the most virulent looking stuff !! Again I’m blessed as my cancer usually goes hand in glove with something called the BRCA gene and I don’t have that gene mutation , great news for Olivia as she won’t have it either . As Dr Raj said “ you are not very common Lucinda “!

I learnt on the forums that many people give their tumours names ? From the start I refused to give my little tumours the dignity of names , they have always been referred to as the squatters and as such are being evicted . Interestingly they have , as the chemo got to work tried to resist eviction and caused some discomfort but the last scan showed them as small deflated balloons!  Hooray 😃

With my childish sense of humour and sense of the ridiculous I just have to share some of the more irritating and funny side effects of the first  12 weeks of chemo . Of the many recipes I have tried , the only real disasters have involved lentils, pulses and beans , combined with veg of the brassica family , delicious to taste and recommended in all the cancer cook books , but oh boy oh boy does it do bad things to my tummy!!!
I could have powered the house single handily , even the dogs looked startled 😱 😂
Anyway sadly cauliflower dhal is off the menu. Seriously eating organic foods , Ayurvedic and Indian meals ( I can only taste strong flavours now ) taking Curcumin tablets ( active ingredient of turmeric)  I’m sure all help .

The side effect most commonly associated with chemo is hair loss , this has been a fascinating experience . The day after my very first chemo , I took the decision to have my hair cut very short in the hope that when it started  to vanish it wouldn’t be so much of a shock , actually the shock was having short hair for the first time since babyhood ! It took getting used to but soon enough the hair started to shed and it took quite a few weeks but I ended up looking like a mad pigeon squab crossed with Friar Tuck ! In the end my sister in law Lizzie shaved the remains off , it did take some time as we rejected the blunt horse trimming clippers ( I have to avoid injuries in case of infection ) we used Terry’s beard clippers to  accompanying giggles ! The main thing that really does irritate about hair loss is why hasn’t it vanished off my legs ? Yes thinner but still there 🤔and as for one of the more common effects of older middle age is bits of ones eyebrows moving south and settling on ones chin , how very dare one firmly remain there ? Another blessing is , I still have , albeit thin eyebrows and eyelashes , thank god as lots of my friends were threatening false ones !

As from last Thursday I have embarked on a new regime of different chemo , only three weekly but in Dr Raj’s words “ it is not pleasant in fact gruelling “ so I’m thankful I have two weeks of recovery , before cycle 6 , then the same before the last cycle 7 , yup not much fun but so near the end now . These drugs are put in through the newly fitted port and one resembles a particularly virulent Campari ! Yuk as I’m still peeing Gin and It ☠️😂

I’m hoping the blog doesn’t take on a whingeing tone in the last few weeks as it has rather taken the rug out from under me in the last few days. So note to self I started out positive and it must continue. Zarkandar is going from strength to strength and I promise to properly update people on his progress .